My dad tonight found the following email exchange between my mom and me from last Fall: _______ From: Myrna Stolls Subject: yesterday's phone conversation To: "Amy Stolls" Date: Thursday, September 29, 2011, 9:59 AM As I reflect on this Rosh Hashonah day, I thought I would share.... Life is a cycle--Luke smiles and I have my appendix out all on the same day. You bring up how to discuss death.... Death isn't thought about now--it's how will I cope with the age-related illnesses that are bound to happen. It is something we [women] live with because we live longer with more chronic problems than the previous generation. And we all want to be independent and know that might stop at any time. And so we keep on dancing. Men don't think this way. Dad and others feel they won't be around long enough to experience needing help. This is how people I am with feel--of course, I don't know how the rest of the world thinks. So we rid our lives of toxic things and toxic people for we have no time for them. Time and energy is important, and it is important to spend it on good things. Dad and I feel--we have talked about this ad nauseum--that we need to be with our kids as much as it works into their and our schedule. Actually, Dad talked about and is really executing the idea of giving up leading the orchestra. Things change. Dad and I connected with Eli a lot when we were with him for two weeks. That feeling is with us, but fades as we are apart. No one's fault. We listen to you, and hear that you are really into mothering and happy. We love it that you sound contented--you do--to us. Granted there are other things going on, but we only hear what we hear. And so it is written I love you a lot, darling daughter. Mom From: Amy Stolls Date: September 29, 2011 10:28:35 AM EDT To: Myrna Stolls Subject: Re: yesterday's phone conversation I love this email, mom. I'm going to print it out and save it. Now that I'm a parent, I often think about life's cycles ... how my boys won't understand me or many of my motivations or actions in the present, but they will in years from now and I just have to accept that. And that's true for you and dad and me and Eric. I'm now understanding you two in a way I never understood before, now that I'm a parent ... and with that comes a whole new burgeoning of appreciation, admiration, love for you. Which is to say, I think about what you sacrificed/did for me when I was Eli and Luke's age. And I think about -- though I can't really fathom it just yet -- what you're going through now. But I'll get there, too, and in the meantime will gladly listen to and store away all your terrific honesty and wisdom and fears and desires. If it seems like I'm listening with only one ear sometimes, it might be because some of the things you and dad are going through are too much for me to process/emotionally deal with at this point in my life, but I will always be trying to give you both ears. I live my life differently than you, so I can't presume to know how I'd deal with old age (or older age, oy) ... I can give advice based on what might seem healthy or helpful and you could rightfully react that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Yet. Anyway, Luke's fussing. Will stop my freewriting for now. Let's talk about the next time we're all going to get together. Thanksgiving? Before that? Love you. xo