You're so often in my thoughts, mom, even when I don't express them here. Did you know that my password to get into my work computer was some variation of "Imissyoumom"? I can say that now that it expired and I had to change it. I liked making that declaration every morning. So the holidays have come and gone: Thanksgiving, Hanukah, New Year's Eve. All tinged with sadness, especially for Dad. There's a part of me that still can't believe you're not there to talk to, laugh with, brag to about your grandkids, hug. I was asked to roast the (NEA) chairman at his farewell/holiday party and it went well, got lots of laughs (thankfully), but when all the hoopla calmed down, I was left with a feeling of something missing, something amiss. I guess I wanted to tell you the story. I wanted to hear you laugh. I was going through some old documents and found (what adjective should I use ... wonderful? Typical?) one from you in the form of a legal document. You titled it "A Contract for Services, Superb Babysitting Services, Inc." It had the following stipulations: "1. Mima and Bipa will babysit for Eli Gabriel Levin during the last week of December--exact dates to be determined. 2. Hours for above adventure 9-5. If Mima and Bipa have to babysit during the dinner hour--or in the evening should Eli’s Mama and Daddy want to go to a party, movie, or walk hand in hand in the sunset-- fees shall double. 3. If services won't be needed in the evening, Mima and Bipa will be out on their own exploring restaurants or anything else exciting. 4. Eli’s Mama and Daddy will find fun places for Mima and Bipa to take Eli to--like the playseum they took him to before. 5. Eli will be on his best behavior and will never cry. Not once." At the bottom it said "I agree to these terms" then it had a place for signatures, including Eli's. Next to his name was a place for the date, only it said, "How should I know the date, I'm only 2?" Now he's four and Luke is approaching two. I wish you could see how adorable they are, they're impish smiles and boundless energy. I know babysitting them was one of those things you most looked forward to, crying or no crying (okay no crying). And they loved being with you, even little Luke who giggled when you kissed his toes. Imissyoumom.